you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
