running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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