i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
