and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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