A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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