Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
