Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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