dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
