Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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