M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
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