just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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