yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
