If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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