Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
