I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Rumble strips road head = magical
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
