Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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