My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
