I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
