apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
