you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
