I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
