I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
