I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
