just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
