weddingsv make me drug and hornr
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
