Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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