I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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