My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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