Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
