If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
