Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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