When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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