Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize
