Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
