You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
