grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
