Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
This baby is an asshole
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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