YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
