Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
