I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
