He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i love accidental penises.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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