I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
