Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
