I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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