she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
