before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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