so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You may now shotgun with the bride
Is Oprah even human
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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