I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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