my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
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