mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
and you said cock pushups were impossible
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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