Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
