Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
