your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
