I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I look better un-naked...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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