she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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