Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
