You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
