watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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