You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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