For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
