If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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