I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Two words: nipple clamps
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