really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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