he shaved USA in his pubs
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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