Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
