everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
