at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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