I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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