Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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