so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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