Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
