I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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