Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
