I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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