i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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