a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
