I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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