His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
