You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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