My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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