You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
