Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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