Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
2020 sucks, I want a refund
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
