remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
