so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
